


Steel Horse

by gayyyluigi



Category: Wicked - All Media Types
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-26
Updated: 2016-03-26
Packaged: 2018-05-29 06:24:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,098
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6363064
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gayyyluigi/pseuds/gayyyluigi
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Crack-fic in which Boq decides to harass Fiyero while they dodge attacks from Elphaba on the way to the Emerald City. Loosely based on a scenario from Ledgends of Oz that a friend described to me.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Steel Horse

**Author's Note:**

> Hey! Fair warning, this is absolutely silly, and I wrote it at about 12:30-1 AM, so this is only meant to be goofy. Also, I apologize if my description isn't exactly canon-conforming... I haven't seen Wicked in like 4+ years, so I'm just going off of what I can remember. Pardon any inconsistencies, please!

Traveling with Dorothy wasn't exactly the most fun experience in the world for Fiyero. After all, not only did he have to put up with the ever-irritating Boq, but also had to babysit this young girl, and try to keep the teenaged lion out of Boq's reach so the man of tin couldn't whip the poor thing or yank on his tail. Fiyero couldn't help but be sad for the poor thing... It hadn't been Elphaba's fault that he grew up cowardly, despite what the others claimed. It had been the fault of the horrible former Munchkin that now clanked along the yellow brick road beside him, along with some of the other less pleasant people of Oz, those who wished to eradicate the Animals. It was horrible to see the way the poor creature cowered and hid, especially from Boq, and only spoke in quiet stammering. Many a night, Fiyero had had to stay up with the poor beast after a vivid night terror, comforting him back to sleep the best he could. It was quite tragic, and it tugged at his heart to see the young lion like this. This isn't what Elphaba would've wanted for him, not at all...!

Elphaba... That was perhaps the worst thing about traveling with Dorothy. Since Elphaba had been trying to sabotage the girl's journey in an attempt to reclaim the last relic she had of her sister's existence, Dorothy had grown to hate the verdigris woman with a fiery passion, and expected the other members of the party to follow suit. It was, of course, little problem for Boq, who already detested the woman for what she had inadvertently done to him. The lion didn't truly seem to hate her, but he played along well enough, which wasn't too hard, considering he didn't speak much in the first place. But Fiyero? Oh, it was so hard for him to act as if he hated the woman. After all, she'd been such a good friend to him, and he owed his shift in world views and personality to her. But to avoid raising suspicion, he played along the best he could, trying his best not to cringe whenever he was forced to say something awful about his friend.

When it came to the title of "Most Annoying Party Member", it was a three-way tie between Dorothy, her little scruffy mutt, and of course Boq. Dorothy was little more than a sniveling brat, relying on others and coming across as a total airhead and a flake. Her whining was near-impossible to take, as was her sheer ignorance. The little dog-- what was his name, Tutu? The dog was a huge menace to Fiyero. Since Fiyero smelled like plant matter, and dogs often preferred to mark their territory on plants, well... To put it simply, Fiyero had had to replace the straw in his ankles more than a few times. And Boq? He was simply infuriating to Fiyero. Arrogant, loud, boastful... He was quite easily the party member that was least tolerable to Fiyero, without a doubt.

There was one thing that did send Boq over the edge as the winner of the "Most Annoying Party Member Award", though.

It had been twilight, and they were on the run from yet another of Elphaba's attacks. When his potato sack clothes or his straw was singed, Fiyero had a hard time not being upset with Elphaba for hurting him. After all, she didn't know who he was; to her, he was simply another enemy trying to hunt her down. But, needless to say, the attack had already put him on edge. They were hiding in the bushes, trying to throw Elphaba off their scent. Dorothy and the lion were in front, with Fiyero behind them. Fiyero had no idea where Boq had ended up, and honestly, he didn't much care at the moment. His focus was on the lion and the girl, keeping them safe until they reached the Wizard. As such, Fiyero really wasn't paying attention when Boq crouched down beside him to hide behind the bushes as well. Not paying attention to Boq had been one of the biggest mistakes Fiyero had made to date, to say the least.

While Fiyero did his best to keep the girl and the lion under cover the best he could, Boq sat beside him, a mischievous look on his face. The former Munchkin pretended to lose his balance, falling to the side and 'accidentally' grabbing Fiyero's bottom to stabilize himself.

"Oooops!" Boq laughed perhaps a bit too loudly, then leaned forward to whisper into Fiyero's ear. "Betcha didn't know that this steel horse swings both ways, did you?"

Fiyero was outraged. He grabbed Boq's wrist and tearing it away from his bottom, clutching the arm so tightly that it began to leave dents in the tin that Boq was composed of.

"Hands OFF the merchandise," Fiyero growled dangerously, eyes narrowing. If he were a dog, his hackles would've risen, and he would've ripped the man's arm off with his teeth. But, since he was, in fact, NOT a dog, this was Fiyero's best line of action. "You couldn't even afford me if you tried, you rusty bucket of bolts! And you're not a steel horse, you're more like a scrap pile of tin!"

Boq was about to make another snarky remark, when suddenly, a fireball was lobbed at the tin man, leaving a smoke print on the man's hat. They'd clearly been spotted, thanks to Boq's idiocy.

"One of these days, I'm gonna just let her decimate you. I swear, I'll push you right into her line of fire," Fiyero snarled, rage glinting in his eyes. He took Dorothy and the lion by the wrists, running with them to another hiding place deeper on the woods. Oh, this was sure to be a fun experience.

Once they were safely out of harm's way, Fiyero nearly went berserk on Boq as revenge for the horrible comment that he had made. Instead, for the sake of the lion and the sake of his sanity, he tried to downplay it. After all, they weren't far from the Emerald City now. It wouldn't be long before they'd confront the wizard, and hopefully, Fiyero would be able to save Elphaba from her certain doom. He only hoped he could find her in time to come up with a plan, or else... The witch hunters might get their way. At this point, their fate was still very much on the cards. All he could do was hope for the best.


End file.
